


Cultural Differences

by GivemeanID



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Madara is a leg man, and trainwrecks, the senjus are exhibitionists, the uchihas are pyromaniacs, there will probably be others clans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2020-05-20 08:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 5,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19372672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GivemeanID/pseuds/GivemeanID
Summary: The hardest was not overcoming their mutual hatred, no.The hardest was the cultural differences.If Madara had to see one more pair of bare legs, he was gonna commit treason, dammit !





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> And here I am again, torturing my favourite trainwreck with sexy Senju ;)
> 
> Enjoy!

When Konoha was founded, Madara thought the most difficult thing for the Uchiha would be overcoming their almost millenia long hatred of the Senju, and not attack them in the streets of the newly formed village.

Madara was fucking wrong.

The worst thing for the Uchiha were the cultural differences !

Because the Senju were a bunch of fucking exhibitionists ! And Madara would have liked to be aware of that fact BEFORE he founded a village with them !

Dammit.


	2. 1/ The Senju are exhibitionnists !

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madara was not prepared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go !  
> I headcannon the Uchiha as thin and lithe (but with muscles because ninja), but the Senju are giants built like fricking brickwalls ;) Hashirama is a foot taller than Madara and it pisses him to no end ^^

The first time Madara saw Tobirama Senju witout pants on, he ran into a pillar. The White Demon was wearing a light sleeveless blue yukata over a mesh shirt and a boxer, with sandals.

And nothing else.

Clutching his bloody nose, he emitted a noise akin to a dying whale. Tobirama turned to him, surprised. Madara distinctly felt his eyes cross because... legs... muscles...

Gah !

Tobirama was with a group of Senju - including his demon woman of a cousin - and none of them were wearing pants !

Fucking..!

Fucking gorgeous Senju built like fucking brickwalls and their fucking gorgeous muscles they were flaunting in front of everyone !

\- Are you ok, Uchiha ? Tobirama asked, you look a little pale.

The Senju flexed his biceps, without even thinking.

Madara fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear, Madara will run into a lot of things and faint a lot :D


	3. The Senju sleep in pile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Madara ^^
> 
> He is regretting every single one of his life choices.

Frustrated to no end, spitting colorful curses to noone in particular, Madara was jumping from rooftop to rooftop, in direction of the Senju compound.

Hashirama was late. Again.

This time, Madara was gonna give him an earful and get him into his office even if the man was naked.

Dammit.

Landing in front of Hashirama's house, he entered without knocking and stomped to the man's room. He kicked the door open.

\- Hashirama ! he bellowed, wake up ! You're late, you lazy... ass...

Hashirama was indeed here. He was naked (of course), barely covered by the blanket and looked at Madara with an unfocused gaze. But he was not alone. Drapped on his right side, there was Mito, naked, her face buried against his neck, her blood red hair looking like silk on her white skin. On his left side, Madara saw the white form of Tobirama, also naked, silver white skin almost glowing against his brother's darker one. He was looking at Madara like the Uchiha Clan Head was an annoying fly. Plastered against the White Demon's back, there was Toka Senju, her strong arms clamped on her cousin's waist. Behind her was another Senju man Madara identified as Takuma Senju.

\- What the...

\- Madara, Hashirama sighed, this my day off...

\- What... who... why...

\- I think we broke him, Anata, Mito groaned.

Tobirama and Toka, apparently bothered by the Uchiha's antics, pounced on him, stripped him bare in record time, and pushed him in the bed next to Hashirama.

When Izuna entered the room hours later, looking for his missing brother, it was to find Madara buried under a pile of naked half asleep Senju, wordlessly asking for help with his eyes.

Izuna, being the good brother that he was, fell on his ass laughing like a maniac.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Senju are not body shy at all ^^


	4. The Uchiha are pyromaniacs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama wants a drink.

Tobirama stood there, breathing deeply, trying to fight the ferocious headache that threatened to settle behind his eyes. Next to him, Izuna was looking sheepishly at his hands, like a child who had been caught redhanded.

\- Izuna... do you remember that conversation we had the other day ?  
\- The one about not setting things on fire ?  
\- Yes... that one...  
\- For my defence, this is a person, not a thing.

Tobirama sighed, suddenly exhausted. Not for the first time since he was friend with Izuna, he felt the need to go in a tavern and drink himself under the table.

\- We are gonna have a conversation about not setting people on fire. Especially not the people we're supposed to capture and interrogate.

Mito and Toka were going to laugh at him. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Uchiha policy is: set thing on fire first, ask question later ;)


	5. 4: The Senju cuddle... a lot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madara dealing with the Senju way to cheer people up a.k.a The Cuddle Pile of Doom

Quickly after founding a villaage with them, Madara had discovered that the Senju didn't like when people were upset around them. And they had a very personnal method of cheering people up. This method had been dubbed the Cuddle Pile of Doom by a very drunk Izuna.

It usually went like this. A Senju would see an upset person, in the street, or at work. They would immediately make a sign and every single Senju in the vincinity would litteraly jump said person and drown them in cuddles till they deemed the person was cheered up enough.

The first time it happened to him, Madara was having a bad day. Grumpy and grumbling, he had entered Hashirama's office a little forcefully, firmly decided to make the bumbling fool do his goddamn paperwork for once. At the moment, he hadn't really seen it, but Hashirama had made a strange handsign and two seconds later, Madara was buried under a pile of Senju, including Hashirama, the White Demon, his cousin, Mito, and two secretaries. He had screeched like banshee and tried to get free but Hashirama had squeezed tighter and said to "relax and enjoy the affection". It took two hours before they accepted to let him go.

Two fucking hours.

Izuna underwent the Cuddle Pile of Doom, too, because at least the Universe was a little fair. But in the end, the Universe was not so fair, because his traitorous brother ended up absolutely loving the treatment and he started trying to coax cuddle pile out of the Senju whenever he could.

Madara knew his brother had been rocked too close to the wall when he was a baby.

Anyway, Madara was currently trying to escape the nine feral Senju, Hashirama and his fucking prowling predator of a brother among them, firmly decided to cuddle him.

\- Come back here and feel the love, Uchiha ! Tobirama roared.  
\- You'll never get me alive, Senju !! Madara screeched.

He should have shut his mouth. Really. A second later, somebody tripped him and he found himself on his back and saw a grinning Izuna jumping on him, just before the Senju joined his brother, apparently decided to smother him under their combined weights.

Fucking traitor.

OMAKE:

Fourth ninja war.

The tension on the battlefield was so thick it could be cut with a knife. Suddenly, Hashirama Senju pointed at Madara Uchiha and screamed.

\- Cuddle this man !!!

The entire shinobi alliance witnessed Madara Uchiha, Scourge of the Battlefield, screech with terror and run, as the three Senju present on the battlefield prowled after him, cackling manically.


	6. 5: The Uchiha are pyromaniacs (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama REALLY needs a drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Izuna is 50% of the reasons Tobirama has a budding alcoholism ^^

Tobirama was currently contemplating drowning his ex-rival/best friend/bane of his existence, as well as the consequences of such an act (he didn't want to deal with an avenger Madara). Sighing deeply, he used what was left of his already very depleted patience not to strangle the walking disaster trying to pass off as a functionnal adult that was standing in front of his desk, smiling like he didn't understand what all the commotion was about.

\- Izuna... he said, exhausted, you cannot burn your paperwork and claimed you never received it.  
\- But I never received it !

Tobirama felt his right eye twitch. He breathed deeply, he had to stay calm and positive. Had to think about calming things. Kittens, puppies, Kagami... No, bad idea. The little Uchiha was cute as hell and a really motivated student, but just yesterday he had managed to set three separate building on fire in the course of two minutes. 

Do not think about Kagami.

\- Izuna... I know you received it, because I gave it to you.

Izuna made a face, and had the decency to look a little sheepish.

\- We are gonna have a conversation about not setting your paperwork on fire...

Now Tobirama really needed a drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uchiha policy : if you burn the problem, there is no more problem (flawless logic)


	7. 6. The Uchiha are cats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama finds an effective way to deal with Uchiha's dramatics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to Shiver_Mint for that idea ^^

Right eye twitching slightly, Tobirama was watching the latest thing (left wing of the Archives building) that Izuna set on fire. Said pyromaniac was standing nearby, looking at the fire with a nearly extatic expression on his face. That approximately at this moment that Tobirama's resolve broke.

Fuck it.

He had tried to be nice. He had tried to have civil conversations about not setting things (objects, people, building, the Inuzuka's dogs, his own dignity...) on fire. But Izuna didn't listen ! At. All. How thick was the Uchiha's skull, really ?

No, being nice was overratted now.

He had to use the big guns.

************

Izuna stretched and moaned loudly when his back cracked. It was a good day, he had annoyed Madara, had trained with Hikaku and had eaten his favourite dangos. But now he had to do his fucking paperwork. Seriously, at this point he was pretty sure that Tobirama was getting off on creating new and convoluted paperwork. It was starting to be ridiculous. Eying the pile of paperwork taunting him, he decided to solve the problem the Uchiha way.

That was to say : fire.

Fire was wonderful. Fire solved every problem. He loved fire.

As he was composing the handsigns to spit a fireball, Tobirama appeared out of thin air, wielding a spray bottle menacingly.

\- No, he said, lowly.

Izuna spat out a puff of smoke. Tobirama sprayed him square in the face.


	8. 7. The Yamanaka have a strange way to greet people

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Yamanaka love their potted plants.

Madara was patiently waiting for Inoko, the Yamanaka Clan Head, to show up. And by patiently, he meant he had been pacing his office like a caged lion for the last twenty minutes. She was - two minutes - late and he hated that. He was gonna give her an earful on proper manners when she would finally show up.

His door slammed open, and Inoko Yamanaka appeared, sweaty, looking every bit like her usual cheerful self.

\- Sorry, I'm late ! I was gardening !

That being said, she shoved a potted yucca into Madara's hands and flopped on the couch. And Madara just stood here, frozen, eying the plant like it was about to grow a head and bite his off.

************

The second time it happened, it was during a strategy meeting between the Uchiha and the Yamanaka regarding the T&I department. Inoko barrelled into the room with her husband, laughing cheerfully. She put a potted rose bush in front of Madara and her husband gave Izuna a bonsai and then the two Yamanaka sat, chatting, totally ignoring the Uchiha bewilderment.

************

And it kept happening, again and again.

Three months after the Yamanaka joined Konoha, Madara's office was looking like a small jungle. He didn't dare getting rid of the plants, because offending the Yamanaka was not a good idea, but he didn't want to take the plants back home either, because of an unexplainable feeling of dread.

He didn't know what the Yamanaka were trying to prove with their fucking potted plants, but it was drinving him crazy. Was it a subtle threat ? A long-term poisoning attempt ? A way to spy on them ? Psychological warfare ? (Maybe it was just plain old paranoia, but Madara didn't want to consider this option. The Yamanaka were up to something. He KNEW it).

So, of course, being a good advisor, he told his fears to their estimated Hokage.

Who promptly exploded in booming laughter, fell off his chair and proceeded to spend the next ten minutes convulsing on the floor. Madara, finally reaching the end of his patience, was about to put an end to his friend's misery when Hashirama managed to speak through his hiccups of laughter.

\- Madara, that's just the way they greet people...

Madara... froze.

Oh.

He was just a paranoid idiot, wasn't he ?

(Izuna must never learn about it. Never.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Yamanaka give potted plants to say hello. Not just one time per person. All the time ^^


	9. 8. The Uchiha are pyromaniacs (part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And also very scared of cockroaches ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to Yui Uchiha for the idea and Shiver_Mint for the enabling :)

Tobirama sighed and stretched, groaning when his back popped loudly. Today has been a productive day. He had finally finished the seal he had been working on for the last four days, his paperwork for the week was gone, he even managed to force Hashirama to do his share. And the best, there has been no Uchiha drama today ! Purring contentedly, Tobirama took a look at the hourglass and saw it was almost midnight. He decided to go back home, take a bath and sleep.

It was approximately at this moment that a huge explosion was heard and seen in the Uchiha compound.

Startled, Tobirama jumped on his feet, his heart beating a stacatto in his chest. Somebody was attacking them ?! But he had sensed nothing ! Concentrating, he hiraishined to the mark he left in the Uchiha compound. When he arrived there, everything was on fire, the Uchiha were running everywhere, screaming, crying and throwing fireballs in every directions, like they were fighting an ennemy they couldn't see.

His panic skyrocketting, Tobirama located Izuna and ran in his direction. The Uchiha's face was covered in tears and his eyes widened in relief when he saw Tobirama. He ran to him and caught the Senju by the wrists.

\- Tobiiiii !!! he screeched.  
\- Izuna ! Are you okay ?! What is happening ?! Where is the ennemy ?!  
\- Tobi...  
\- What ?!!  
\- There is a cockroach..!

Tobirama blue-screen-of-deathed.

\- A what ?  
\- A cockroach ! It's small and disgusting and it flies and it could be anywhere !  
\- Let me sum up the situation... You set you own compound on fire... because of a cockroach ?

Izuna nodded vigorously. He was immediately imitated by every Uchiha in the vicinity, who had calmed down a little. Tobirama felt a strong need to drink something. Like an entire bottle of whiskey, for instance. Anything to forget the human trashfires that composed the Uchiha Clan. How they did manage to survive for so long was a fucking mystery.

\- Senju ! Madara thundered, landing next to him, disheveled and a little singed, we need your expertise !  
\- On cockroaches ?  
\- Yeah ! We need to f...

At this moment, a Uchiha child pointed to the only corner of the compound that was still standing and screamed. Every adult - including Izuna and Madara - started screaming and fireballs rained once again. Comptemplating the carnage, Tobirama felt something break inside him.

Fuck it.

He was gonna go to his Anija's house and empty his entire wine cellar. He wasn't paid enough to deal with this shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tobi is a full fledged alcoholic now. And it's all the Uchiha's fault ;)


	10. 9. The Senju have strange hobbies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madara will never look at a tree trunk without feeling dread ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saw someone cabertossing and this happened ^^

Madara was on his daily Izuna hunt, decided to get his little brother to do his share of clan paperwork. He already searched the Tower, the whole Uchiha compound and had even gone to Tobirama's labs just in case his brother was enabling the crazy Senju again.

But no, Izuna was not there.

That meant he could only be at one place. The Senju compound. Probably trying - and failing - to flirt with the demon woman of the Senju.

Traitor.

Madara was making his way to the Senju compound, taking a shortcut by the training grounds, when he heard a buzzing sound, like an army of mosquitoes coming his way at full speed, and then...

\- Watch out !!!

Startled by the cry, Madara managed to jumped on the side just in time to dodge the tree trunk landing violently where he was standing a second ago. His heart beating a staccato in his chest, he looked at the tree then at Izuna who was running to him with a worried face. Behind him were Tobirama and Touka.

\- What the FUCK ?!! Madara screeched.  
\- Sorry, Tobirama said flatly, we were teaching Izuna the specificities of caber tossing and his aim is still a little off.  
\- The what of what ?!!  
\- Caber tossing.  
\- The fuck is caber tossing ?!! And why was I almost crushed by a tree ?!!  
\- This is caber tossing, Uchiha, Toka drawled, clearly amused, you take a tree trunk and you toss it as far as you can. Without chakra.

Madara's right eye twitched. Well at least that explained the Senju's biceps.

\- You toss trees ?  
\- Yes.  
\- Without chakra ?  
\- Hum hum.  
\- Why ?  
\- For fun.

Madara distinctly felt despair invade him. He feared for the Senju's sanity. And by extension, for Izuna's, since madness seemed to be contagious.

\- That's it, he said, I give up.

Turning on his heels, he stalked determinately in the direction of the Uchiha's compound. He needed a drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least Tobi's not the only one pushed to alcoholism by the other clan shenanigan ^^


	11. 10. The Nara sleeps everywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Litterally. Everywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Madara can't catch a breath ^^

Tobirama opened the door of his office's closet to put the completed paperwork back inside. As he did that, he was faced with Shikaro Nara - Shikako's husband - curled inside said closet, curled into a highly impractical and uncomfortable position, sleeping soundly. Tobirama groaned and dragged a hand down his face.

Seriously...

It had been something akin to an urban legend during the war, but now that they shared a village with them, the Senju had to admit that this was true. The Nara slept absolutely anywhere.

************

\- Hum... Hashirama tried.  
\- Maybe we could start the meeting ? Sasuke Sarutobi said, hopeful.  
\- We have to wait till all the Clan Heads are here, Tobirama groaned, long suffering.  
\- Technically, we are all here, Inoko Yamanaka snorted, trying her best to stiffled her laughter.

Choukami Akimichi was doing no such effort and was roaring with laughter next to her. Madara was looking wildly between them, apparently debatting if he should set something (or someone) on fire. Spread eagle on the meeting table, sleeping deeply, Shikako Nara let out a snore of approval.

************

Tobirama was not really surprised when a clone of Madara came to ask for his help regarding an urgent matter one night. When he entered Madara's bedroom, it was to find the man looking close to apoplexy and gesticulating wildly in the direction of his bed, where a Nara woman Tobirama recognized as Shikara - Shikako's sister - was snoring lightly, looking content like a big cat. At least, the Uchiha Clan Head had been clever enough not to try anything by himself, because that would probably have been violent, and with the Nara, it was never a good idea.

Their revenges were slow, but they were also vicious and unescapable.

\- Can you do something, Senju ? I need to sleep !

Tobirama sighed. There was only one thing to do.

\- I have a guest room, he said.


	12. 11. The Shimura love swords

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe a little bit too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon that the Shimura are really good with all kind of blades

Tobirama blinked.

\- Danzo, is that a sword under your pillow ?

He had been sent on a simple escort mission and had decided to take his team with him. It was the first time the kids were leaving the village and they were extatic.

\- This is not a sword, this is a simitar, the boy corrected.

It was also the first time they would spend a night outside of the village, together.

\- Danzo, why is there a simitar under your pillow ?

Tobirama knew it was a good way to get them to know each other.

\- He's my comforter. His name is Stabby.

However, Tobirama could say really clearly that he wasn't expecting some things about his students. Like Danzo using a goddamn simitar as a comforter.

\- Maybe you could put Stabby somewhere else ?

It would be just his luck if the little Shimura had a nightmare and started stabbing people with his... comforter. Namely, started stabbing his teammates with his comforter.

\- Okay. Dad says I'm too old to have a kid's comforter anyways.

Tobirama breathed again. Praise the Shimura Clan Head.

A month later, on another escort mission, when he saw Danzo trying to put a goddamn naginata under his pillow and saying it was his adult comforter that his father gave him and that its name was Beheady, Tobirama was not afraid to say that he might have cursed the Shimura Clan Head to hell and back.


	13. 12. The Nara have strange bouts of hyperactivity

Tobirama woke up as the presence entered his room, not discreet at all. He rolled his eyes, already exhausted. Cracking an eye open, he looked at his hourclock. Three in the fucking morning. Of fucking course. Groaning, he rolled on his back and rubbed his weary eyes before opening them.

Shikako Nara was bent over him, looking intently, pupils blown. Tobirama sighed.

\- Shikako, it's three in the morning, he groaned, it's too damn early to play shogi.

Shikako let out a disappointed whine.

************

It was a known fact in Konoha that the Nara were lazy as fuck and that they would sleep anywhere, anytime. It was a very well less known fact that the Nara had bout of restless energy that made them do something compulsively and very energetically (more often than not in the dead of the night) before going back to sleep. The Yamanaka and the Akimichi knew, but because they didn't think it was relevant (because they were assholes who enjoyed watching the Nara related chaos with popcorn) they never told anyone.

Let's just say that a lot a strange things happened in the first months after the Nara joined. Tobirama once walked into his home to find that all his socks had been classed by colors. Hashirama's flowers had all been painted a very flashy shade of purple in the span of one night (to their Hokage's despair). All the tree in the Hyuga's compound had been trimmed in the shape of a duck (that one was disturbing).

One memorable time had seen all the left shoes in the Uchiha compound kidnapped. Madara had searched the entire village foaming at the mouth, wearing only his right shoe and waving his gunbai threateningly (Tobirama still had photos from that day, because you never knew when it might come in handy).

The villagers had tied themselves into knots over this, vaguely wondering if Konoha wasn't haunted by mischevious ghosts. The only reason they discovered the truth was because Mito walked in on a hyped Shikara organising all her books into a very neat pyramid. The growing panic had stopped (and Madara had all but demanded the restitution of the missing left shoes).

After that revelation, the first weeks had been a little rough, everybody being a little bit on edge, waiting for the next stunt. But people had gotten used to it little by little, and by now it was a common occurence to wake up to a Nara baking star shaped cookies in your kitchen or shaking you up with a disturbingly energetic smile so you would play shogi or go with them.

Some people still had troubles adaptating though.

**************

\- Where is she ?!! Madara bellowed, barging into the Tower spilling deadly intent everywhere.  
\- Who ? Tobirama asked, blinking.  
\- That goddamn Nara !  
\- What did she do this time ? the young Senju sighed.

Madara became increasingly red and Tobirama started worrying for his tension.

\- She switched the sugar with salt in all the houses of the compound !!! he screeched.

Tobirama just looked at him without blinking.

\- Ah, he said.

For a reason he still didn't understand, the Nara seemed to take a lot of pleasure pranking the Uchiha during their restless episodes.


	14. 13. The Senju skinny dip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In public.

Madara dreaded summer.

This has nothing to do with the heat (he was an Uchiha, he had seen way worse) or the mosquitoes (whatever the bleached bastard said, there were moments when fire did come in handy, like dealing with mosquitoes).

No, Madara dreaded summer, because this was the Senju Wrangling Season. And his family, starting with Izuna, was a bunch of traitors, leaving Madara alone to counter the threat.

But Madara could do it. He could overcome his fear and come out victorious.

************

Tobirama was growling under his breath, pulling the colar of his yukata to breathe more easily. Madara was surveying him like an hawk. He had consented to opening the shogi door leading to the garden, because even him acknowledged that it was a little hot inside and that not all people could bear the heat like the Uchiha.

Hunched on the table, working on a proposal for the Academy's curriculum, the Senju looked ready to punch someone (probably Madara) in the face. He was also red in the face, sweaty, his hair sticking to his forehead, and glancing longingly at the garden (and more particularly at the pond) from time to time. If the Senju thought Madara didn't see him, he was fucking wrong.

Madara was onto him.

\- Back to work, Madara snapped when Tobirama's eyes strayed from his paper for too long.

Tobirama scowled. It would probably have had more impact if he didn't look ready to keel over from the heat.

\- I am a professionnal, Uchiha, I don't need your reproaches.  
\- The last time your brother told me that, I found him splashing around in the fountain of the market place five minutes later. There were children ! And don't even get me started on your cousin !

Tobirama scoffed but went back to work. Madara allowed himself to relax a little, still watching the Senju like milk on the stove. No Uchiha child would be traumitized by a naked Senju in his garden, not on his watch. At this moment, Izuna entered the room to give something to Madara and he looked at his little brother for half a second.

It was all that it took.

When he directed his attention back on Tobirama, the Senju was already halfway to the pond, stripping. Roaring, Madara surged on his feet, but Tobirama had already dove in the pond, stark naked. That did not deter the Uchiha Clan Head, who went after him with a deadly focus.

************

Hikaku sat on the engawa next to Izuna and shoved a popsicle in his cousin's hands. Izuna greedily took it and immediately bit it. Ignoring the groan probably due to brainfreeze, Hikaku watched as Madara, screaming and bristling, was trying to force Tobirama, also screaming, wet and naked, to put on a yukata and go back to work.

To no avail until now.

Hikaku gave a hundred ryo to Izuna. After all, Madara did manage to keep Tobirama away from the water more than one hour.


	15. 14. The Uchiha are cats (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Tobirama has a very personnal system of reward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to Shiver_Mint for the idea :)

Tobirama spent most of his days preventing the village to catch on fire due to Uchiha nonsense (among other things, like forcing his brother to do his fucking paperwork (under threats of bodily harm more often than not), keeping Mito and Toka from taking over the world, raising the deads and more generally being the only sane person in this goddamned village).

Punishments worked quite well (in the form of the Water Spray of Doom, like Izuna used to say), but if he only punished them, the Uchiha would go report him to Hashirama, and he would have to bear the "Why Can't You Be Friendly With The Uchiha" lecture for the upteenpth time, while Mito laughed silently at him, because she might be his best friend but she also was a dirty traitor who reveled in his suffering.

So he had started to reward them when they didn't set somthing on fire for an extended period of time. Miracle, it seemed to be working wonders. Who said emotionnal manipulation didn't work ?

************

Madara huffed as he finished signing his paperwork. The sun was setting and he was feeling crancky, having spent all day in the office. He stood up, stretched and hummed when his back produced a loud pop. He was gonna go back home, take a long and hot bath, drink a nice cup of tea and sleep.

As he exited his office and closed the door, he was bodily tackled to the floor by none other than Tobirama Senju. Madara landed face first on the parquet, the younger man straddling his back.

\- What the fuck, Senju ?! he screeched.  
\- Shut up Uchiha, it's reward time, the other deadpanned.  
\- Wha..?!

Before Madara could finish his sentence, Tobirama had produced a hairbrush and had attacked Madara's scalp with a deadly intent, whispering sweet nothings. Madara froze like a deer in the headlights, then melted into a puddle.

\- There, there, Tobirama crooned, who's a good boy ? You didn't set anything on fire this week, I'm proud of you, Madara ! Good boy ! Good boy !

Madara moaned happily, groggy, and started purring. This continued till the Uchiha Clan Head could swear the last bone in his body had disappeared and he was just a big puddle of hair and happiness. Then Tobirama disappeared like he had come, leaving the liquefied Uchiha where he was.

Madara sighed, limbs still feeling like jelly, and stayed face down on the ground for a few more minutes, enjoying the afterglow.

And also trying to will his boner to go away, because having his hair played with, while two strong thights were bracketing his waist had done things to his insides, and really, you couldn't blame him !

He would never have guessed not setting things on fire was so worth it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Uchiha have a sensitive scalp ^^


	16. 15. The Uzumaki have a thing for muscles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It gets out of hand quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked me about the Uzumaki. Here they come, my dear ! I hope you'll enjoy :)

Madara had always wondered why Mito Uzumaki had wedded Hashirama.

The Uzumaki Princess always was so poised and composed, and seemed to be drawn to calm and intellectual people, that Madara had absolutely no idea why she had wedded the big goof they called their Hokage. Hashirama was the complete opposite of the Princess. He was loud, goofy and not very bright (not that Hashirama wasn't intelligent, but his intelligence resided elsewhere). To be honest, Madara would have expected the Uzumaki Princess to be enamoured with Tobirama rather than Hashirama.

But the Princess had wedded Hashirama, even if it was to secure an alliance, and she seemed to be really happy and genuinely in love with the treeman. And Madara didn't understand. He could get his head behind a marriage of reason. In time of war, these happened more often than not. But he didn't expect their marriage to be so... happy. Usually, when two people with such different personalities were forced to cohabit, things were at best cordial, at worst indifferent.

But it was not the case. Mito was always smiling when she was with her husband, always touching him in one way or another.

Madara could have accepted the fact that maybe they were an exception. But he did not. His inner ninja senses were telling him that there was something else at play here (actually, it was his inner Uchiha Gossip Sense, but let's not expand on the matter).

However, Madara should have the answer to his interrogations in the most unexpected and awkward way possible.

************

It was a beautiful day of winter (as beautiful as one could call it, with snow falling from the sky without stopping and drowning the village under a white coat) and Madara was stuck in his office doing paperwork. Hashirama was on a diplomatic trip in Sand, with Toka as his bodyguard, and Tobirama was on a mission outside the village. Which meant that only Madara, Izuna and Mito were left to ensure the village would not collapse.

Speaking of the devil...

Mito all but kicked open the door of Madara's office and slid inside, haughty and dignified as usual. Madara felt his right eye twitch.

\- Can't you knock like a normal person ? he groaned.

Mito looked him from head to toes before squinting, her gaze zeroing on him like she was a predator.

\- Take off your clothes, Madara-san.

Madara choked on his tongue. After a coughing fit, he looked at the Uzumaki, who seemed a little exasperated.

\- Excuse me ?! he screeched.

Mito rolled her eyes, like she didn't almost induced a heart attack into her interlocutor.

\- Hashirama and Toka aren't here. Neither is Tobirama. The training grounds are closed because of the snow. I am thirsty and I know you're hiding a body under all that fabric. Take. Off. Your. Clothes.

Madara blinked. Mito smiled, the most serene and most threatening smile the Uchiha had ever been subjected to. His hands were halfway to his yukata before he understood what he was doing. This was how he found himself wearing only a fundoshi, in his office, in the middle of the day, in winter. Mito gave him a sharp onceover and nodded before sitting on the couch. Madara was about to grab his clothes when she cleared her throat.

\- I didn't say you could get dressed...

Blushing to his hairline, Madara sat at his desk, almost naked and went back to his paperwork, trying to ignore the eyes of Mito, that were trained on him. And just as he thought the whole thing couldn't get more mortifying, Izuna barged into the office, carrying a mountain of scrolls. He stopped dead in his tracks, looked between his brother (whose face was slowly turning puce) and the Uzumaki Princess (who was smiling serenely but whose eyes hadn't left his brother's chest).

\- Madara ? Izuna tried.  
\- I was feeling hot ! Madara screeched.

Izuna raised an eyebrow, looking pointedly at the window, behind which snow was falling steadily.

\- Sure... whatever. I need these completed before tonight. See you at dinner !

************

It lasted almost a week, Mito coming in the morning in his office and looking at him till he took off his clothes. She just watched with an almost hungry expression, but did nothing else. It was driving Madara crazy. When Hashirama came back from his trip, and Mito's laser focus went back to him, Madara could have cried from gratefulness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mito's a domme. Change my mind !


End file.
